SAD, CISD, RLS, and other wonders of the world of modern medicine.

March 28, 2008

I think I have SAD, RLS, and CISD… it looks like my medical costs could get pretty expensive…

WARNING! This is a rant! Doctors, people studying to be doctors, and people who are easily offended should RELAX before reading this post (it is, after all, intended to be humorous)!

Has anyone noticed that anything and everything that goes wrong is now a medical condition? I was struck the other day when I stumbled upon some information about “caffeine induced sleep disorder”… it turns out that doctors have decided that this is a real medical condition affecting a huge number of people… the cause? You guessed it! Drinking too much caffeine before you try to go to sleep! Heck, if you’ve got a bad enough case of CISD, you can even be medicated for it! And here I thought that the easy fix for this one was the advice mom gave me when I was 3 (“If you drink all that sugar and caffeine before bed, you won’t be able to sleep, and when you finally get to sleep you’ll piss the bed!”).

Next up: SAD. This gem stands for “Seasonal Affective Disorder”… If you have SAD, then you feel normal for the whole year but get depressed in the winter… they even have “reverse SAD”, where you feel normal the whole year but get depressed in the summer. I definitely have this. As a matter of fact, anyone who lives anywhere that has a winter has this. If you live in Ohio, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, or any other northern state and you don’t have this, you are either a total weirdo or a real jackass (sorry, I refer to people who like Ohio’s winter as jackasses). I thought that the explanation was that winter sucks. I’ve usually dealt with SAD by going out with my friends, getting drunk, having a conversation going something like “Man, winter sucks… I can’t wait for summer”, getting up the next day and going about my business. It turns out that this approach is all wrong… evidently I need medicine. Let’s face it: Winter is no fun, and you better damn believe that medicine designed to make you feel better will make you feel better, so why deal with a shitty winter ever again?

Finally, we have reached my favorite… RLS. “Restless Leg Syndrome”, or perhaps better known by its common name of “The Jimmy Legs”. This is another one that I have had since I was about 3. I thought it was from consuming too many “Monster” energy drinks, 3000 calorie burritos, and “nuclear” squirms (sour gummy worms, my favorite) and not being able to keep my hyped-up legs still. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and continuously move my feet, and I seem to be unable to stop… a sure sign of the dreaded Jimmy Legs. I used to treat this by running, jogging, or lifting weights, a sure fire way to burn off the excess energy that I have always thought caused the Jimmy Legs… but it turns out that I need medicated for this one too! They even treat this one with opioids, such as oxycodone and methodone (what the hell?!!)! Ironically, CISD can be a cause of RLS!

Another interesting fact: the occurrence of autism has increased drastically since 1980. Has the prevalence of autism actually increased? Doctors are divided on this one. But they can all agree that the medical community has broadened the definition of autism, which by default will raise the prevalence of the condition.

Here is my point: If we try hard enough, we can probably qualify anything as a medical condition. I wonder what made-up conditions will be affecting us next… I can see the headline now…

Have trouble getting to work on time? You may have CLTW, or “Chronically Late To Work” syndrome, caused by depression associated with having to show up at the same place at the same time everyday.

It may not exist yet, but I can GUARANTEE that some sort of chemical reaction takes place in my brain at just the thought of work, and it ain’t too different from depression, and it is only a matter of time until a doctor or drug company capitalizes on this.

Do we really need all of these “conditions”? I’d be more comfortable to know that my kids will grow up knowing that winter sucks, just like I did, rather than thinking that they have been “afflicted” with SAD. And that is not to mention the rising cost of health care… could it be partly a result of insurance companies having to “pay up” for people affected with the Jimmy Legs?

What is the world coming to?!?


Nice Job, Glenn!

March 14, 2008

If you read this blog regularly, you have probably noticed a recurring theme: That I am ashamed of the lack of personal accountability shown by my fellow citizens of the United States.

Having said that, here is a really good article by Glenn Beck from “Headline News”:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/14/beckfloridamichigan/index.html

It is nicely written and makes some really excellent points… Nice Job, Glenn!


Tuesdays with Tyson – March 11, 2008

March 12, 2008

Hi all! Here is another quote from Mr. Tyson, this time about religion:

“I feel like sometimes that I was born, that I’m not meant for this society because everyone here is a f**king hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God but they don’t do God’s work. Everybody counteracts what God is really about. If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would show me any love? Do you think Jesus would love me? I’m a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me … I think Jesus would have a drink with me and discuss … why you acting like that? Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even … They’d throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he’s coming back to save us. But they don’t understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again.”

Wow… I’m not sure what that means…

Next week there will be no Tuesday with Tyson… I will be on vacation, but the series will resume the week of the 25th.


Voters say… When the going gets tought, make the going tougher.

March 5, 2008

This post falls somewhere between a political commentary, a rant, and a bunch of angry drivel directed at my fellow Ohioans. As I am sure you already know, Hillary Clinton won the Ohio Democratic Primary yesterday.

With that being said…

I have lived in the state for my entire life. My father has also lived here his whole life. Deep down, I would really, truly like to see Ohio and its citizens do well and prosper, but Ohio has been on a progressive downward spiral since about 1995. If you listen to local radio or read the local Ohio newspapers, all you hear or read is about how everyone is sick of the dwindling economy, stagnant wages, and politicians who don’t seem to care to make any real difference. You would really get the impression that the citizens of Ohio really want things to change for the better. There is, however, one huge problem preventing Ohio from making any headway…

Whenever Ohio’s citizens are presented with an opportunity to change things for the better, they completely blow it. It is as if they are all hell-bent on their own destruction.

Yesterday, the voters of Ohio continued this trend.

NAFTA was passed in January of 1994. Prior to this “free trade agreement”, which was actually more like an incentive for domestic businesses to move their production elsewhere, Ohio’s economy was flourishing… Since NAFTA, Ohio’s economy has progressively (maybe “rapidly” would be more fitting) declined. Why? Ohio’s economy has historically been EXTREMELY dependent on manufacturing. Ohio once had flourishing steel mills, auto manufacturing plants providing good jobs to thousands, and machine shops employing the majority of Ohio’s manufacturing base. After NAFTA, this all went to Mexico.

Many politicians still stand behind this failed trade agreement, justifying their support by citing an increase in the number of U.S. jobs and a lower unemployment rate. When closely examined, the effect on Ohio was devastating. Machine shop jobs that payed upwards of $50,000 a year have been replaced by jobs at Wal-Mart paying $7 an hour. It would seem that the average Ohio citizen doesn’t seem to understand that this is the case, and that NAFTA has been extremely harmful to their way of life… but unsurprisingly, most Ohio citizens do understand the impact of NAFTA, as they have been the people who have had to give up their $50,000/yr. jobs for the $7/hr. jobs.

This fact… the idea that the citizens of Ohio do understand the negative impact of NAFTA… brings me to the point of this post.

HILLARY CLINTON SUPPORTED NAFTA. HER HUSBAND WAS NAFTA’S CHAMPION.

She has conveniently said in her campaign that she has always been against NAFTA… what a joke! I can hear her now… “Bill, please, please don’t pass NAFTA”. She is a socialist! She has ALWAYS supported free trade!

Does she really think that the voters of Ohio are dumb enough to believe that crap?!

I was hopeful that Ohio’s voters would see through her double-talk…

I am now convinced that I am either surrounded by masochists or complete idiots.


Tuesdays with Tyson – March 4, 2008

March 4, 2008

Here is a real short but powerful one from Iron Mike:

 “I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all.”

Funny stuff.