If you tug on the kitty’s tail…

January 18, 2008

I should warn you that this post may seem insensitive (it probably is), so if you are easily angered or particularly liberal in your line of thought, you may wish to not read this one.

You have probably heard of these teenage guys who went to the San Francisco Zoo for a fun day out and ended up getting mauled by ‘Tatiana’, a cute name for a 350 lb. killing machine. Unfortunately, one of these guys died from his injuries.

Anytime human life is needlessly or senselessly lost it is a tragedy. I am truly sorry and sympathetic for the family of the 17 year old who lost his life. His final moments were spent enduring what is probably the most horrific of all ways to go.

Some interesting news has been released today, however. It seems that these well publicized walls that were shorter than the standards for tiger enclosures may not have been the only cause. As I have suspected since first hearing this story, it turns out that adolescent guys, lots of alcohol, and a 350 lb. carnivorous animal all occupying the same 50 foot radius is a really bad idea.

This morning, one of the boys attacked by the tiger admitted that the trio had spent the day drinking. His blood alcohol level was .16, twice the legal limit for driving. He also admitted that they climbed to the top of and stood atop the 3 foot tall metal fence next to the moat protecting the visitors from the tiger (or tiger from the visitors, I suppose). They then yelled and waved at the tiger for a number of minutes, but still insist that they didn’t throw anything at it.

Tatiana does not eat fruits or vegetables. You probably woke up this morning and had a bowl of cereal – she doesn’t eat that either. She eats meat, and meat alone, which is usually hard to come by in the wild. So when she woke up to see our three young Einstein’s waving and yelling at her, she must have thought she had died and woken up in tiger heaven. Little did she know that following her natural instincts would lead to her death a few hours later.

Darwin Award candidates?

This may sound cruel, but let’s see: I’m at the zoo. I’m drunk. As a matter of fact I’m hammered. One of my buddies suggests that we go climb inside the tiger pit. The end result here is fairly obvious.

The fact that ‘Tatiana’ had never attacked anyone before has seemed to be irrelevant since this story was first released. All of the focus has been on the fact that these ‘moat walls’ were too short. Why hasn’t there been any attention paid to the fact that these guys were essentially setting this sequence up from the get go?

This is indeed a symptom of one of the biggest problems facing the modern U.S.- the fact that we have no sense of accountability. Some examples: If your kid is walking at Virginia Kendall Ledges and falls off a cliff while you aren’t watching, it isn’t because you were negligent – it is because there were no ‘safety railings’. If your dog bites your un-leashed neighbor’s dog as it climbs into your fenced-in yard, you have a vicious dog that is going to be put down. If you shoot a thief in the leg as he breaks into your house, you are getting sued for assault w/ a deadly weapon. And likewise, if you are hammered and tease an animal that has evolved for the past thousand years to survive by eating other animals, it sure as hell isn’t your fault – the walls should have been three feet higher.

Is this what we want our society to be? Is this really the best we can do? Maybe we can learn what should be obvious from this story… that it is a bad idea to get blitzed and tease a tiger. And maybe this makes me cold hearted, but I will be teaching my children that if you pull on the kitty’s tail, the result is no one’s fault but your own.

EDIT: Since this story broke, I have heard the blame for this guy’s death placed on the tiger, the police, the zoo, the emergency response units, etc… everyone except the kids who provoked this tiger in the first place. The point of this post is that although we have tried (and are still trying) to make the world a sterile, completely danger free environment, perhaps the best way to protect ourselves and our loved ones is by using some common sense. Moreover, when we don’t use common sense and it quite literally ‘bites us in the ass’, maybe we should take some responsibility for our actions and learn from our mistakes rather than blaming others. I wish nothing but the best for the family and friends of the 17 year old who lost his life.


Only in America…

January 16, 2008

Let’s begin with a few news reports from today:

It seems that legislators in Virginia still have some common sense…

State Del. Lionel Spruill has introduced legislation to make it illegal to hang fake rubber testicles from your truck’s trailer hitch. Sounds good to me, but evidently many people feel that one of our ‘inalienable rights’ is the right to display rubber genitalia in public for all 5 year olds to see. Ironically, the only people who find these things ‘cute’ or ‘amusing’ are people with the minds of five year olds. Grow up, people.

The full story can be read here:



Next up:

In Kokomo, Indiana, some idiot trying to rob a convenience store shot his own nuts off. Yep, you heard me right… after demanding that the clerk hand over the cash and cigarettes, this whiz-kid discharged the gun into (and through) his right testicle. Oops.

The full story can be read here:



I guess my point is this:

This kind of stuff is going on continuously in the U.S., and it is extremely expensive for taxpayers, insurance policy holders, etc…

Maybe the rising cost of health care has a thing or two to do with some idiot, probably without insurance, blowing off his own ‘man jewels’ while trying to steal a $5 pack of cigarettes. Likewise, maybe our income taxes wouldn’t be so high if the courts weren’t bogged down with expensive cases involving people who passionately believe that their rights are being infringed upon because they can’t hang rubber gonads from their trailer hitch.

We are supposed to be the best educated people in the world. This makes for some funny reading, but I think it is time to step up to the plate, people.