Who wubba huh wubba woah…

April 17, 2008

We are all continuously bombarded by so much bad news that it is almost enough to make you decide to call it quits for a few weeks and just lock yourself in a dark room and not come out until you develop a few new personalities to hang out with… so today we take a look at some of the good (or at least funny) news circulating in the press.

First up:

Jonathan Lee Riches (a pretty sweet name, if I may say so) is an inmate locked up until 2012 in a federal prison. What does one do with all of that time? The answer seems almost obvious… sue Michael Vick. What is Mr. Riches beef with Michael Vick, you ask? He claims that Vick stole two pit bulls from his home in Florida, used them in dog fighting, then put them for sale on e-bay. After selling them, what was Vick going to do with his earnings? Riches claims he was going to use the proceeds to buy missiles from the Iranian government (it seems that there is a lot that we don’t know about Michael Vick). In the complaint, Riches says “Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.” He is suing for $63 billion, “backed by silver and gold”. Right on, Jonathan Lee.

Next up:

Let me start off by saying that they don’t build ’em quite like they used to. Daniel Kuch really must have hated his job. Instead of quiting, calling in sick, or doing the good old no-call-no-show, Daniel had his buddy shoot him in the shoulder so that he could get a few days off. Apparently he was trying to avoid a drug test. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather go to work than get shot any day.

These may sound strange, but the web is full of stories of mis-guided people doing awesome stuff. You know you’ve finally made it when you turn up in Yahoo!’s odd news section.

And now the news…

January 15, 2008

Some news headlines from today…

1) Lebron James’s favorite song: ‘I Can’t Drive 55’ by Sammy Hagar

Note: The speed limit in Medina is not and has never been 101 mph.

2) Britney Spears favorite song: ‘Oops, I missed it again’ by Britney Spears (or is that ‘Oops I did it again’?… oh well)

Note: Evidently, going to court dates involving getting visitation rights for your children is for losers and sober people.

3) George Bush’s favorite song (upon learning that the Iran boat attack incident was likely pranksters): ‘Sabotage’ by the Beastie Boys

Note: Evidently, 40 foot long speedboats pose a much greater threat to multi-million dollar Navy destroyers than one would think.